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Each NHL Team’s Biggest Character: Florida Panthers, Randy Moeller

March 6, 2012

In a time where the Panthers look like they’re FINALLY ready to return to the post season due to a plethora of new faces added in the offseason, this one was still a no-brainer. The new faces in the organization have surely added some much-needed character to this once unbearably lackluster team but Ran here was just miles above everyone else. And I know I already did an announcer as a biggest character with Rick Jeanneret of the Buffalo Sabres and I promise this is the only other team that doesn’t have a current rostered player as their biggest character. But seriously if there is one person in the NHL who needs to be recognized, it’s Mr. Moeller. Randy Moeller was an NHL hockey player who played most of his career with the Quebec Nordiques from 1981-1989. He retired in 1995  after spending his final season with the Panthers. He was definitely an enforcer when he played, amassing 1,692 penalty minutes and only 225 points in his 14 year career in the NHL. Moeller was a bit before my time and never really never more than a blip on the NHL superstar radar, so before he started announcing I had never heard of him. In fact the only time I ever saw him in uniform was unbeknownst to me until just moments ago while doing some research. Randy was actually on the cover of one of the first hockey video games ever (the first one I ever owned), NHLPA Hockey ’93 for the SEGA Genesis and SNES.

But I can whole-heartedly tell you that I am beyond enthralled that transitioned from the ice into the broadcasting booth, because for me and most people in my generation, that’s where he has made an impact. Randy Moeller is without a doubt the most entertaining announcer I have ever heard. His enthusiasm matches that of Rick Jeanneret but his catches phrases go above and beyond the normal realm of broadcasting humor and into a realm of hilarity I didn’t know was possible.

For those of you who are unaware of what he does, allow me to enlighten you. Randy Moeller is the play-by-play radio announcer for the Panthers, and his broadcasts are fairly normal, Randy announces the plays as they unfold such as, “___ passes to ____, he hits____ in the slot, ___ winds up, HE SHOOTS HE SCORES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” nothing unusual about that, right? Well Randy doesn’t stop  because there after the goal s where his trademark comes into play. He literally SCREAMS pop-culture references during live broadcasts after goal!. They range from song lyrics, movie/tv quotes, brand slogans and a few other in between. The spontaneity and enthusiasm he puts into his goal calls will have you rolling on the floor with laughter. Moeller gets his goal calls through the requests of the listeners. People call into the radio station and request different quotes of which Moeller picks the ones he likes and announces after goals. Now Randy won’t do these calls when games are lopsided either way, and he doesn’t certainly say them for every goal which I think is good because that’s how they risk losing their novelty and humor. Below are the four goal call videos that the radio show he broadcasts for posts on youtube. Like in the case of Rick Jeanneret I could try all day to explain how funny these calls are  via text but the only way to truly appreciate them is to listen.





Personally I can’t pick a favorite, but I’m a big fan of “You’re my boy, Blue”, “Mama cooked the breakfast with no hog”, “We’ve got ourselves a bleeder”, “I just ate his liver”, and “Beyonce had one of the greatest music videos of all time”.

Watching these videos has actually inspired me to listen to Randy Announce a game or two live. I’ve listened to Panthers radio broadcasts while logging hours studying at the library on campus. It’s nice to be able to listen to hockey while studying and then hear a goal call so funny that it makes you laugh out loud. You can check out the live broadcasts on game days if you feel so inclined by going to entering their homepage. On the ride side bar there is a box that should say “upcoming games” with the Panther’s next match-up listed in it. You then click on the link titled 560 WQAM and you’ll be directed to the broadcast (which will start when the games starts). The picture below has the green arrows pointing to where the link is.

My hope with this post is that the word of Randy Moeller will get around, because this guy is too funny to go unnoticed. Randy Moeller’s unmatched charisma and hysterical goal calls are what truly make him the Florida Panthers biggest character.


Each NHL Team’s Biggest Character: Edmonton Oilers, Ryan Smyth

March 6, 2012

It’s been a while, but we’re back.  Well here he is, the man himself, Ryan Symth. Here’s a guy that’s been around for a while and doesn’t have any plans to leave soon. Ryan Smyth strikes me as one of the most unique players in the NHL for a plethora of reasons, but he a true grit, down dirty, old-time hockey player. Smyth was drafted sixth overall in the 1994 NHL draft by the Edmonton Oilers and has all but completely signed his life away to this team. Ryan Smyth’s dedication to the Oilers is extreme to say the least. When he was traded to the Islanders in 2007 he actually cried in the interview and said that if he won a cup in Long Island (let’s get real) he would bring it back to Edmonton. Come one Ryan…. don’t cry! You love to see that kind of dedication from your players and I think when he got traded back this year, it was very fitting. Smyth’s dedication is right up there with guys like Sakic, Yzerman and Lemieux but unfortunately his talent isn’t quite there so he doesn’t quite get the recognition.

Another thing I love about this guy is the mop that so gently lies upon his head. Smyth’s flow is completely unmatched. No one has held such a patch of cabbage upon their noggin as glorified and for as long of a period of as Ryan has. His flow is absolutely dirty! I mean check it out. I think the only flow that could beat his in an all out brawl is the of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, but then again take a look at that picture, perhaps he is the Christ…

One last thing that makes Ryan Smyth such a unique character in the NHL is his weapon of choice is that of the wooden variety. For a long time he only used a one piece wood stick, but thankfully he has made the step into the year 2001 and he now uses a two piece composite with a wood blade and we are so proud of him for doing so.

But above all else Smyth is one of the best power forwards in the game today. He’s right up there with Tomas Holmstrom for his work in front of the net. He’s not afraid to take a beating to pound in a “garbage goal”, but hey, it looks the same on the scoreboard and the stat sheet. Bu make no mistake Smyth is more than capable of putting a pretty one past your net minder which makes him a real threat out there. He’ll back-check with you the whole way down the ice as well making him a great 2-way forward. He has worked his ass off night and night every game of his career, and here’s a night little highlight reel highlighting some of Smyth’sbetter plays.

Ryan Symth is certainly a player with enough uniqueness to go around but above all a true Oiler at heart and that’s what makes him Edmonton’s biggest character.

Each NHL Team’s Biggest Character: Detroit Red Wings, Pavel Datsyuk

February 21, 2012

You might have been expecting Bertuzzi for this one but aside from the fact that he fractured three of Steve Moore’s neck vertebrae in the biggest cheap shot in NHL history, there’s not much to talk about with big Bert, at least in comparison to Datsyuk. So hear me out here and if by the end of this post you still disagree write it down in the comments under this post and maybe I’ll give Bertuzzi the reaming you’d like to hear me give him.

What can you say about Pavel Datsyuk that hasn’t already been said. Pavel “the human highlight reel” Datsyuk is and has been redefining the game of hockey with his unique style of play since he entered the league. Pasha (Pavel’s nickname since he was a kid) was selected an incredible 171st overall in 1998 after missing the NHL entry draft in 96 and 97. The Red Wings have had an uncanny ability to find incredible talent in draft year in and year out (Federov – 74th, Franzen – 97th overall, Holmstrom – 257th overall, Zetterberg – 210th overall, you get the picture…) but Datsyuk might have been their best late round pick ever. As a matter of fact when his teammates at his Russian club told him he was drafted, he asked for proof. When his teammates showed him the newspaper article he insisted it was a misprint. He is a 5-time NHL All-Star, 3-time Selke Trophy winner [Best defensive forward in the NHL (won back-to-back-to-back in ’08, ’09, and ’10)], 4-time Lady Byng Trophy Winner [player who exhibits most sportsmanship and gentlemanly qualities (won back-to-back-to-back-to-back in ’06, ’07, ’08, and ’09)] and 2-time Stanley Cup Champion. That’s quite a line-up, but when you see Datsyuk play it only make sense, he is one of the most creative, elusive, skilled, respected, talented (you get the idea) players in the NHL. He moves in such a way that even Kinesiologists are left baffled. His flow with the puck makes the most difficult of moves look like they could be performed by someone who’s never laced up in their life. Obviously a lot of his talent can be attributed to natural talent and hard work but when you enter the NHL with mentors like Lidstrom, Yzerman, Federov and being put on a line with Brett Hull and Igor Larianov in your first season in which you also won a Stanley Cup, Datsyuk would have had to screw up pretty hard to be a flop in the NHL. So what makes Datsyuk so amazing? For me it comes down to two things, his incredible defensive play and his incredible offensive arsenal. Those three Selke trophies weren’t dumb luck, he is almost always leading the league in takeaways and if you’re not aware when Datsyuk is on the ice, don’t even bother catching a pass because Pasha will grab it before you even realize its gone. His defensive positioning is impeccable and he always plays the PK because of that. And as good as he is on defense he might possibly better offensively. He is so well equipped and dangerous offensively you could compare him to Rambo after raiding an US Army issued weapons warehouse. It is almost impossible to defend Pasha because you never know what the hell he’s going to do. He can toss more sauce than Chef Boyardee, he’s got more jukes than the first 6 seasons of So You Think You Can Dance, he could out-snipe Master Chief, and he dangles that puck like it ain’t no thing like a chicken wing on a string (sorry that was lame),  to name a few of his talents. His stick is like a magic wand and Datsyuk is more than willing and able to pull any number of those trick just mentioned out of his hat at any given moment. His unmatched ability to read the ice, his teammates and his defenders simultaneously makes him virtually unstoppable. As we all know I’m a huge Wings fan and I’m trying not to worship the man too much here but when you’ve seen the insane number of perfectly sculpted masterpieces  this guy pulls out of his ass on a nightly basis, I just can’t help myself. Here is an awesome clip to show you just a few of his dangles and dekes although it did leave out a few of my favorites…

For as amazing as Datsyuk plays, he keeps the humility of player who just got his first call up. Just like his Selke awards, Datsyuk’s Lady Bing Trophies were no mistake. Datsyuk’s incredible humility stems way back from his early childhood. After I read the Sports Illustrated article, “Disgusting, But In a Good Way” published last year, a lot of light was shed upon me as to why Datsyuk acts the way he does. Pasha is from  Sverdlovsk, Russia where he lived in a 4th floor, 3 bedroom apartment with his Mother, Father and his sister, whom he shared a room with. His window overlooked an Ice rink one which he frequently played ice soccer (attributing to his great footplay with the puck). He also spent several hours a week playing chess which he attributes to his great ice awareness. Pavel’s father eventually let him get into hockey and he did well, but barely weighing 150lbs it was hard for him to stand out. When Pavel was 16 his mother passed away and a few years later, his father went as well leaving him an orphan at the age of 19, but he always kept the lesson they gave him – humility makes the man, on and off the ice. Datsyuk once said in an interview, “A happy person is the one who doesn’t need anything”. He says he misses the days in Russia where he had to walk everywhere and that the greatest moment in his career was when he got injured in Russia because it helped him realize how much he loved the game.

Datsyuk’s humility is unmatched, but something people rarely hear about is his sense of humor. His lightheartedness has won over his teammates and fans alike. When asked in an interview if he liked winning the Lady Bing award he replied, “Yes, I love ladies”. And when asked about why he works so hard to get back on defense he said, “Must get back before Holmstrom, so he’s the slow one not me.”  On the subject of his broken wrist last year, when the cast came off he asked his doctor if he had recovered so he could play the violin, the doctor responded,”Of course” to which Datsyuk said, “Wow, this is great. Before this injury, I could never play violin at all. I must break the other hand so I can play guitar.” You can find more of his humor in this interview Lastly two of the funniest thing about Pasha are his Beaver Cleaver haircut that looks like the standard haircut given to USSR Cosmonauts, and his grasp, or lack thereof on the English language. Now the Russians aren’t as fortunate as the Swedes to have both their native language and English taught in the classroom and admittedly it has gotten better over the past decade, but when you hear guys like Ovechkin who learned the language within a few years it kind of makes you scratch your head. He knows his English is poor and uses his sense of humor to poke fun at it but, it’s still always entertaining to watch him stumble through interviews. His speeches after winning the Lady Bing and Selke are hysterical . Perhaps his inability to fully grasp the English language is why he’s such a good sport, can’t be called a dick if you haven’t said anything. And maybe it can also be the reasoning behind everyone elses inability to re-create his style of play, after all if he can’t properly explain what he doing, how will others learn. Either way Pavel Datsyuk is the most versatile player in the NHL today and is a real treat to watch. His unmatched talent on the ice and attitude off the ice are what make him stick out more than anyone else and the Detroit Red Wings’ biggest character.

Each NHL Team’s Biggest Character: Dallas Stars, Steve Ott

February 21, 2012

Steve Ott is the kinda guy you’d love to have on your team, but HATE to play against. The name of the game with Ott is physical, this player gets down and dirty. Big hits and big fights are what drive him to be the spark plug of the Dallas Stars. Getting drafted by the Stars in 2000, everyone knows that he’s a keeper. One of Ott’s main assets to his team is his ability to fire them up, he usually logs somewhere in the ball park of 150PIMs a season, a lot of those through fights. If he’s not getting you jacked up with a good round of fisticuffs, he’s probably getting you jacked up with hit that’ll make you clench your teeth because when Steve Ott hits you, everyone in that arena knows it. When Ott’s team might find themselves down and out or struggling to gain momentum, you better believe old Stever will be there with the shifts next bone-crunching hit or team inspiring fight to get his boys right back in it. He goes out every game and tries to rattle your best player with a big hit and if someone wants to fight him, then so be it. Ott himself even admits to what he does, as quoted in a 2008 interview, “if you take a run at their (the opposing team’s) best player you gotta answer the bell, and for me, every once in a while that I do that someone wants to get me back, so I try to answer the bell as much as possible.”But the great thing about Ott is that he hasn’t limited himself to be good in just one aspect of his game (physicality), he also excels on the score sheet. Since his first full-tenured season with the Stars Ott hasn’t had a season under 22 points and has had as high as 49. Check him out.

One of the best things that makes Ott a character is his chirping ability. (For those of you who aren’t familiar with hockey lingo, “chirping” is essentially trash talking or insulting another player). Steve Ott might be the best or at least most dedicated chirper in the NHL. He completely defines what it means to be an agitator. He will do whatever it takes to get under your skin and get in your head. When he was in Juniors he learned swear words and phrases in different languages to be able to chirp at players who didn’t speak English. He said that his main way to chirp is “very deep swear words.” We got a great glimpse of his agitator nature during the HBO: NHL 24/7 series this winter. In this clip you not only see him chirping Claude Giroux about how he’s going to win the face off but then he chirps Peter Laviolette (head coach of the flyers) to wait his turn to go to the locker rooms. Not to mention that the guy grows some sweet chin music.

Steve Ott is definitely a fun player to watch, but I wish we could hear more of what he says on the ice. His physicality brings a lot of excitement to the game and his offensive talent is nothing to sweep under the rug. I think we have a lot more fun year to watch from the Dallas Stars biggest character, Steve Ott.

Each NHL Team’s Biggest Character: Columbus Blue Jackets, Rick Nash

February 20, 2012

Come on, who the heck else would it be? Rick Nash is the only bulb that is continuously lit on the string of broken Christmas lights that is the Columbus BJ’s. If Rick Nash’s situation were compared that of a college student, he would be the guy in the school of communications that is way too self-motivated and smart to be there. Everyone knows that he should move to a different school like business or engineering where he could have a much better chance for success, but the  comm people won’t let him go and frankly, I think he feels bad about leaving because he’s the only thing giving the school of comm any traces of success. Nash is one of the most talented players in the NHL and often gets overlooked because of his unfortunate place with a franchise that just refuses to get their act together. Nash has been in Columbus since he was drafted by the Jackets in 2002. He the team’s captain,  a 5 time NHL All-Star, a winner of the Maurice “Rocket” Richard trophy (NHL’s leading goal scorer), and an Olympic Gold Medalist. He is one of the best all around players in the NHL and puts up awesome numbers every year, despite never really having a solid cast around him. HOLY HIGHLIGHT REEL! If you watch this video you’ll notice very few of these are from good set-ups, sure he’ll get a pass in the slot, but it’s his ability to make a great solo move after that pass to score, he’s a one man show out there because he has to be. Nash has silky mitts, an accurate yet powerful shot and moves that go on for days. Man it would be awesome to see what this guy could do with a good supporting cast.

Nash is also becoming caught up in the hockey media these days. As the trade deadline approaches we’re all wondering what the future of Nash will be. We he finally get the break he deserves and go somewhere he deserves to win a cup, or will Columbus keep their stranglehold on one of the world’s top players diminishing his hopes of success. He said he was willing to waive his no-trade clause if the organization felt it would truly benefit the team. Currently the top contenders for Nash are the Flyers, Rangers and Leafs.

My favorite characteristic of Nash has to be his attitude. I don’t mean to keep ripping on the Blue Jacket’s organization, but for him to be with them for coming up on 10 years and never once complain about the BJ’s inability to bring in any other talent, make the playoffs, have consistency in any area other than losing, or any other number of things they suck at, really makes me respect the guy. You can’t always pick your situation and Rick Nash is thankful for everything that Columbus has given him and remains more loyal to his team than most players in the NHL.  Jeff Carter wasn’t in Columbus for more than 2 weeks this year before rumors started surfacing about him wanting to get the hell out of there. From what I understand Rick Nash is one of the most humble guys in the NHL. And even though he is on a quiet team and he remain may remain quiet, his extremely loud play and humble attitude make him Columbus’ biggest character.

Oh yeah… just watch this, then watch your jaw hit the floor.

Each NHL Team’s Biggest Character: Colorado Avalanche: Cody McLeod

February 14, 2012

Grit, Grit, Grit. When I hear the name Cody Mcleod all I think is grit. This Colorado Avalanche enforcer will fight with the best of ’em without an ounce of fear in his body. I bet this character eats rocks for breakfast, despite his lack of front teeth. These days there tend two be two sides in respect to the whole “fighting in the NHL” issue: either you’re for it or against it. If fighting were banned in the NHL character’s like McLeod would be rendered useless and obsolete. Personally, I think fighting is an essential part of hockey that helps make it so unique, , to ban fighting would be bastardising the great sport of hockey. But I’m not here to argue about the fighting issue, but to honor Cody McLeod.

McLeod was actually not drafted into the NHL but rather picked up by the Avalanche’s AHL affiliate the Lake Erie Monsters and played with them and their ECHL affiliate for 2 years before getting called up to the NHL in 2007. He made his first start in the NHL in December 19, 2007 and waved goodbye to the minors as he has played every game since that date with the Colorado Avalanche.  McLeod is one the more unnoticed energy sources on the Avs, but his grit, hard work, and physicality provide his team with a reason to get fired up during every game. The Avs are a young  team who haven’t seen much success in recent years, but there is no doubt in my mind that with players like McLeod they could make an impact once they prove themselves as a Cup Contending team. Guys like McLeod will get you far in the playoffs by doing what he does best, providing a spark for your team when you’re down or worn out. Whether it’s with a big hit or a getting in a scrap, McLeod rallies his team when they need him. It’s players with a mentality like his that carried the Avs/Wings rivalry in the 90s, often considered one of the best rivalries in NHL history. In recent years the rivalry has died due in part to Detroit’s continued dominance and Colorado’s inconsistency to stay a top team. But I believe it is due mostly to lack of players, on both teams, like Cody McLeod. In the 90s players like McCarty, Draper, Pushor, Deadmarsh, Foote, and Claude Lemieux carried the feud through every game, but no more do any of these payers play the game.  McLeod carries the gritty characteristics all of the fore mentioned did, and I truly believe he can be one of the key players to re-ignite this awesome rivalry.

McLeod is an awesome bruiser and is definitely characterized by his “don’t take shit from anyone” attitude. Like I mentioned, the guy can flat out fight, but even more so is his attitude on and off the ice to keep working and grind and grit your way through everything. I don’ t think there is ever a time when he will stop hustling, because after all hustling is what got him a spot in the NHL in the first place. I think this interview really highlights “his never say die” mentality.

Two of the last things I’d like to add about McLeod is another video to drive my point home that this guy doesn’t take shit from anyone.  As most of you probably know, the Detroit Red Wings have a playoff tradition of throwing an octopus on the ice before and during playoff games. I’m sure other teams can’t stand for how annoying it is, but most just wait for the ice crew to take it off the ice and focus on the game. Cody McLeod took a different approach. When someone threw an octopus on the ice during the second game of the second round of their playoff series, McLeod threw up a metaphorical middle finger to the people of Detroit and picked up that slimy, gross octopus carcass and threw it right back in the stands, letting everyone in the 313 know that he wasn’t going to be intimidated by their silly antics. Lastly, and this is a little out there, one of the thing I personally love about McLeod is his name, he shares (sort of) the  same last name as the character in the movie The Highlander, Connor Macleod. And they both show an unyielding passion to reach their goals. THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE!!! So here he is, your Colorado Avalanche character: Cody McLeod

Each NHL Team’s Biggest Character: Chicago Blackhawks, Patrick Kane

February 7, 2012

Wow, where do you start when talking about what a character Patrick Kane is? I’m going to try to set this up in the same format as the others: his character on-ice and his character off-ice. But Paddy Kane has more than enough to talk about so please forgive me if I get off topic or begin rambling too much.

Before I begin let me get address the Elephant in the room. As I’m sure most of you know, I am a die-hard Red Wings fan and will be until the day I die. My hatred for the Chicago Blackhawks organization runs deep in my veins and beats strongly in my heart. But,  for the sake of this post I will remain unbiased and put our differences aside to pay tribute to the one-man show that is Patrick Kane.

For Kaner’s on-ice character I will yet again have to break it into two sub-categories: statistic/performance and on-ice antics. So lets talk Patrick Kane, the right-winger and one of the best players in the NHL today. Believe it or not, Patrick Kane is already in his fourth year in the NHL, and he has been dazzling the masses since the day he arrived in the Windy City. Kane was drafted first overall in the 2007 NHL Entry Draft. So coming in he had high expectations, and he hasn’t let the Chicago faithful down, not even for a second. Kane won the Calder Trophy as the league’s top rookie in 2008 and has yet to have a season where he stand under the 70 point mark. At the age of 23 he is already an Olympian, a three-time NHL all-star, and a Stanley Cup winner. Kane (with the help of others, especially Toews) helped change the face of the Chicago Blackhawks from an old, beaten-down franchise (e.g. Theo Fleury, Nikolai Khabibulin, Marty Lapointe, etc…), to a new, youthful and energized NHL powerhouse. Now lets talk Patrick Kane the showman. It is incredible to watch this kid fly down the ice. He moves with such style and grace it’ll often make you cry. In the first 2 or so years of his career a lot of criticism came his way for being  too “flashy” and not passing the puck enough. To them I say, Buzz off. He can skate, stick handle and snipe with the best of them, hell, BETTER than the best of them. He has such precision with the puck in every aspect of his offensive game that it’s like he controls it with his mind. He is simply an amazing player to watch. He’s one of the only players who manages to successfully intertwine his incredible skill, with his outgoing personality to make a character on the ice that you can’t help but cheer for. Need an example of his skill meeting his personality on the ice? Every time I throw on a Blackhawks game it seems like Kane has metaphorically put a scope on his twig and zipped another screaming mimi past some poor goaltender who looks more ashamed than a puppy who pissed on the floor, ready to receive a swift rolled-up newspaper beating. Then without fail Kane’s exuberant personality lead him down on one knee with left hand extended forward and in one great swoop his right hand “wipes the ice” as he takes and shred of dignity that goaltender has left and throws it in the meat grinder, never to remain in tact again (e.g. Roberto Luongo). And mind if you happen to be a goaltender playing at the United Center all of this is followed by a jubilant round of “Chelsea Dagger” sung by 20,000 relentless Blackhawks fans, all but too eager to chase you the fuck out of that net and back to whatever lesser city (in their opinion) you came from. Need another? Ok, then look no further than his “Superman” goal at the All-Star skills competition this year.  The best thing about this is that ironically it shows you that he’s not superman, he’s just another 20-something year old, just trying to goof around and have a good time. He’s not too uptight to try to have the best move ever, he just wants to please the fans. Although most other 23 year olds probably can’t display moves like he can…. His playoff mullet raised some eyebrows in a comedic manner and he’s obviously not afraid to laugh at himself. I’m really excited to see what this guy will bring to the ice in years to come.

Ok you’ve heard of Patrick Kane on the ice: an extremely talented, determined and athletic young go-getter making his way to the top of the NHL. Patrick Kane off the ice, complete 180. But hey, that’s what gets him on this list! If there is anything that we have learned about Patrick Kane off the ice it is this: He loves to party. I think the only guy who parties more than Kane is Andrew WK.  Kaner wasted no time upon his arrival in to the NHL and adult, professional world to show us how much he loves to party. Throughout his short career more than a few photos have leaked showing his “party till  you puke” lifestyle. If you haven’t seen this gem by now, I’d love to share it with you.

Holy Lord, look at the personalities on those girls. This was taken after the Hawks won the Stanley Cup in 2010 the Hawks were practically dying to show us how they celebrated. In this photo we see a shirtless, intoxicated Kane partying in a limo with what appear to be a horse on his left and the most mediocre looking girl on his right. You’ve just won a Stanley cup, and you’re choosing to get down with two community college dropouts/ handjob aficionados? More power to you! Instead of shaking up with any woman he wanted within 300 miles of the Chicagoland area like every other athlete in the history of mankind. He found the first two floosies standing outside the Wells Fargo Center in Philly and took them home for the party of their lives. Hell who knows, maybe they’re on their way to the Prom either way… this is hysterical.

Kane has shown us time and time again that the period he takes most importantly in a hockey game is the 4th period, also known as the booze period. And what better way to show everyone that, than sucking down a bottle of Don P at the victory parade on live television.

Can you think of any better way to show people that you are truly a champion? I can’t

Although there are more thing I could address I don’t want to eat up too much space, so I’ll leave you with his cab incident. If you haven’t heard it, it’s a doozie. In the summer of 2009 Patrick Kane and his cousin were arrested in Buffalo at 5:00 a.m. on a Saturday morning. Kane was charged with second-degree robbery, fourth-degree criminal mischief, and theft of services. But the real comedy lies within what he did to receive these charges. Kane was taking a cab ride home after God knows what debauchery he was up to, and the final charge was $14.80, to which Kane gave the cab driver $15.00. I think it is safe to say most people probably wouldn’t hound a cab driver over 20 cents, I feel most people would have said, “keep the change” and be on their drunken way. But if I haven’t made this abundantly clear in this post, Patrick Kane isn’t most people. Kane asked for his change back and when the cabby said he didn’t have any change Kane promptly jo-jacked that son of a gun right in the face. He was trying to send a message, I make 2.6million dollars year and I deserve every dime of it! How dare that cab driver cheat Kane out of his hard-earned pocket change. When on trial Kane claimed that he was just simply “at the wrong place, at the wrong time”. Don’t worry Pat I got your back, it was that damned cabby who was at the wrong place at the wrong time! You don’t get in the way of the Kane train, you deliver the dimes and say thank you for letting me drive you around otherwise you’re getting knuckle sandwich right upside your face.

On and off the ice, Patrick Kane impresses the hell out of me. He has more character than a Hollywood movie premier and the skills to back-up his “general jackassery” . He snipes and booze more than an alcoholic Green Beret and we wouldn’t have it any other way. Character, thy name is Patrick “20 Cent” Kane.

*Some of you might have noticed that I skipped the Carolina Hurricanes. That’s because well… they don’t really have any big characters that stick out. I’ll get back to them later and probably end up doing a post on Cam Ward for lack of anyone better, but for now if any one has any suggestions for who to do on the Hurricanes, let me know who and why. To be honest, the Hurricanes are a seldom mentioned team, with a lot of young players that really haven’t popped onto the scene yet, so to any Hurricanes fans that might read this, I’m sorry and I’ll get back to them later in the month.