Worst Beers Ever: #2 Mountain Creek
5…4…3…2…1…”And we’re back!”. Sorry it took so long for me to post again, and sorry I stopped right after we entered the top three. Once winter break started the only thing I wanted to do was lie around all day, drink and play video games (how do you think I stay in such great shape?) I know it has been a long 39 days for my adoring fans, who worship my shitty blog which is absolutely laden with grammatical errors, punctuation errors, run on sentences and a literary flow that rivals that of Al Iafrate’s hair flow (for those of you who don’t know who Al Iafrate is, here’s a link http://www.homermcfanboy.com/images/iafrate092909.png. He has the worst, most unconnected flow ever.) But I’m not here to tell you about how bad of a writer I am, you already know that. I’m here tell explain to you why Mountain Creek is the second worst beer I’ve ever had.
Where to start and where to begin. Well, I’ll start off by mentioning that this is the 2nd beer on my list which is “art crafted” by the wonderful Minhas Brewery in Monroe, WI (The first was Boxer Lager at the #10 spot) . It is a Lager (…barely) which you can find in Midwest liquor stores that are brave enough to buy it. It costs $9.99 for a 24 pack, and that money would better be used by changing it into pennies which you could then throw into well one at time, wishing that a Tank Truck carrying 9,000 gallons of gasoline would just run right into the Minhas Brewery, eliminating it from this earth and doing everyone a great service. Mountain Creek was something I discovered while visiting my friends up in St. Paul, MN three summers ago. It was a Sunday so they weren’t selling beer in Minnesota so we went over the border into Wisconsin and I picked up a case of Mountain Creek, and now I have to live that day down for the rest of my life. I don’t think I could describe it any better than my buddy Ricky Lavigne. He said that Mountain Creek should be called Mountain Piss because it tastes like they got a bunch of old guys really drunk by a creek and had them piss into cans, and whatever alcohol was left in their urine was what we were getting drunk off of.
Let me say this, if you are thinking about drinking a Mountain Creek, don’t. Just drink a bottle of mouthwash instead, you’ll get drunker, spend less money, have a minty after taste, and I honestly think it’s less embarrassing and far less detrimental to your overall self value to just suck down a bottle of mouthwash than have Mountain Creek anywhere near any part of you where it could possible ingested into your system. Mountain Creek is raunchy at best. It’s an absolute joke that they are allowed to sell this and I for one am offended.
It doesn’t stop there though, Minhas Brewery has to bee one of the ballsiest groups of sick twisted motherfathers on this planet. They not only produce Mountain Creek, but they also produce Mountain Crest, which is just cruel beyond all belief and here is why. So you’ve drank Mountain Creek and never want to put your self through that much self-inflicted pain again in your life. You go to the liquor store and what do you see? a case of Mountain Crest! You think to yourself, “Boy what an idiot I am, here I was drinking the old man piss down at the Mountain’s Creek, when I could have been drinking the good shit that comes right from the Mountain’s Crest!” So you buy the case of Mountain Crest, get home, sit down in your favorite chair and turn on your television and set the channel to watch your favorite sports team kick some ass. You pop that can of Mountain Crest, take the first sip, then almost instantaneously you think to yourself, “no….. they couldn’t have… could they? Maybe that was a bad sip” So you take another sip, and it’s like a fucking nightmare because you realized that they fucking weasel’s at Minhas have sold you THE EXACT SAME BEER, IN A DIFFERENT CAN. And your reaction goes a little something like this, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ef4aI-Woduc. And now you’re stuck with a case of Mountain Crest which is actually Mountain Creek that you’ll inevitably use as industrial strength Draino due to it potency.
All in all writing this entry has really made me want to grab a can of Mountain Creek and shove it up the ass of every member on the cracker-jack group of bozos that made this atrocity. only thought the be in our worst nightmares, a reality. And that is why Mountain Creek is #2 on my list.
(this picture is of me and Rick Lavigne drinking the old man piss)