Worst Beers Ever: #8 Faxe Extra Strong
8. Faxe Extra Strong
So here’s a beer that I got over the summer while I was studying abroad in France (how cultured of me to go to a foreign country and seek out their worst beer….). So I saw this in the grocery store and saw that it was labeled as a 1000ml can, 10% alcohol, and had a viking on the front. When a beer is 10% alcohol, you know its going to be bad. When you have 1000ml (or 1 liter) of it, you know you’re doing yourself in for the night, and indeed I did. I got back to my room opened the can thusly breaking all hell loose. It was so thick and tasted just horrid. It was a very dark yellow, almost brown and it came out of me (liquid and solid) looking the same color. Talk about a hangover, my God, my body hurt the whole next day, I felt like someone had taken a tire iron to my face and my body was being beaten with sacks full of doorknobs. This shit was just too fucking much. I’ve made up my own theory of why they put a viking on the can, and I’ve now assured myself that it is the correct reason. It’s a Danish beer, which is in Scandanavia, which is known for vikings. And this beer tasted like it was made by someone with the knowledge and brain capacity of a viking, so must taste similar to if not exactly like what vikings actually drank. And now that I know I’ve drank what the vikings drank, I can thoroughly understand why all they did was rape, kill and steal. This shit is so bad it actually pisses you off, when you’re drinking it you can’t help but become angry and want to hit the nearest living thing to you. And when a couple hundred guys are sitting around drinking the same shit and feeling angry as hell about it, it doesn’t take a genius to figure out that bad shit is going to go down. Thats probably why they started destroying the known world. But the rage doesn’t end there, as I said before this stuff gives you a hangover that practically puts you in a coma, which also pisses you off, so what do you do? DRINK SOME MORE!! And the more you drink – the more you rape, pillage and kill. It was a vicious never-ending cycle that the vikings went through, until they eventually drank themselves to death (or they got killed, thats not the important part). You might think that this theory is ridiculous and far-fetched, and that just because you’ve never drank Faxe. Try it I dare you, it will send you into an un-godly world or self-pity and anger. Faxe’s downfall doesn’t come because it tastes extraordinarily bad like the rest of the beers on this list (but don’t get me wrong though, it doesn’t taste anything close to good), but because it’s thick enough, has a strong enough kick and taste just bad enough to piss you right the fuck off, from the moment you take your first sip, till your hangover goes away. The can itself is intimidating enough to make most people not want to buy it, but then its also called “extra strong” so don’t try to say they didn’t warn you. For the reasons mentioned above, Faxe Extra Strong has earned a spot at #8 on this list.