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Worst Beers Ever: #7 American Light

December 8, 2011

7. American Light


Ohhh American Light, you are lying son of a bitch.I would like to preface this post by saying that American Light is a perfect example that just because something claims to be “patriotic” doesn’t mean you have to like it. American Light is made in Shittsburg, PA by the Iron City Brewing Company, which doesn’t surprise me at all because this beer tastes like iron. Seriously, this beer tastes like metal, and they’re not doing it any favors by putting it in an unpainted aluminum can, so it even looks metallic. Not only that but this beer represents nothing about America. America is about strength, beauty, freedom and wonder while American Light represents, entrapment, grotesque, feebleness and just all around piss poor effort. What they probably want you to feel when you’re drinking American light is, “damn this is some good beer, I’m proud to be an American and let freedom ring!” But what you’re really thinking when you’re drinking this is, “Holy shit this sucks, this is probably what they give to factory laborers in North Korea who just got off a 27 hour shift, to get them drunk so they don’t feel the pain of their lives.” In fact I feel that the name “North Korean Industrial District Light” would be a far more appropriate name for this beer. God dammit  I hated this beer before I even tasted it, I mean the 24-pack cost only $11 and I feel like I got ripped off. I only had American Light once, but it was pretty god damn damaging. It made my good friend Frank Lato puke (time I’ve ever seen that happen) and it gave me some of the worst beer shits you have ever layed your eyes upon. This is yet another beer that was just made to get you drunk. When you buy American Light, you know your night is going, BLACKOUT DRUNK. You will without a doubt  end up  popping a blood vessel in your fucking eyeball from puking so hard and passing out on your bathroom floor in a pool of your own puke and urine. You just hope that your internal clock will tell you to get up in time so you can shower before heading to your minimum wage job where you’ll make $60 a day. And in your mind you know that a sixth of that day’s pay is going to go right back into another case of American Light, so you can drink away your sorrows just one more night. To quote a man who has endured the hardships of American Light, Frank Lato would like everyone who reads this to know that, “American Light is utter horseshitand should not even be drank by a dead person.” And hell that’s as good of a reason as any to make this beer number 7 on our list.

One Comment leave one →
  1. khill permalink
    December 8, 2011 7:56 am

    where can i buy this???????????

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