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Grigori Rasputin: A Mystical Beard

November 22, 2011

HAPPY NO SHAVE NOVEMBER!! Today we salute Russian Mystic, Grigori Rasputin. Rasputin was an honorary member of the Russian Nobles and when Tsar Nicholas II left for war he left his wife in charge. Rasputin corrupted the Tsarina and there-in-lies the great story of Rasputin. A group of Russian Nobles conspired to murder Rasputin. They invited him over for dinner and fed him cakes and wines with enough cyanide laced in them to kill 5 men, and yet Rasputin was unaffected. Running out of patience Prince Yusupov went down to the cellar where Rasputin was eating and shot him in the back to finish the job. Yusupov then left the mansion but shortly returned to get his coat. Upon his re-arrival he went down to the cellar to check on the body. When Yusupov got close enough Rasputin opened his eyes and lunged at him attempting to choke Yusupov to death. When the other conspirators heard this they ran down to the cellar and fired at Rasputin. He was shot in the back 3 more times and fell over on the floor. But once again Rasputin got up only to be beaten into submission by the conspirators. Then to make sure that Rasputin was dead they bound him up, rolled him in a carpet and threw him in an icy river to drown to death. Rasputin’s dead body was found three days later free from the bonds and carpet. An autopsy revealed that drowning was indeed the cause of death and that also, he had been poisoned enough to kill more than one man. Rasputin survived 4 shots to the back, enough poison to kill 5 men, a beating from 4 men, being bound up and rolled into a carpet and thrown into an icy river, but ultimately couldn’t beat the river and drowned to death. Wow. Many might say he survived such torture due to his mystic powers, and I agree. But, where do you think he hid his magic? In his beard of course. What a mystical beard it is. And just like his life, it’s hard to tell where this beard ends, it appears to just be spread out all over his face with no distinct ending point, fascinating really. I think the only feature about Rasputin that was more well known than his beard was his penis (seriously). While he was being beaten to death they (allegedly) cut his Penis off and many people today claim to be in possession of it. The supposed real penis stands on display at a sex museum in Russia at an impressive 11 inches. Penis or not, Rasputin’s demise makes for one hell of a story. I just wish that someone could have cut off his beard and put it on display as well. Rasputin beard was indeed a mysterious one and if there is one piece of information you can find solace in, it’s that I’m sure that as Rasputin was drowning in that Icy River in Siberia his face was as warm as the beaches in Floirda because of his big ‘ole beard. This beard will live in Russian history forever but more importantly in beard history forever, and for that, we salute you!

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